Downtime is necessary, like it or not!

I think downtime is a double edged sword! When taking annual leave, from work it is something I look forward to, however when it is a system I rely on like my banking app or a tech update, the internal groan of agony is practically audible!

Like it or lump it, downtime is necessary for all of us in all areas of our life. Sometimes we get to decide where, when, for how long, what we do and who we spend it with. Control of all elements is in our hands. Other times we don’t, not any of it, not even one element of it. The lack of control can be frustrating, sometimes infuriating, and sometimes it has no consequence at all.

I have recently had some enforced downtime in more than one area of my world and I can assure you it has been unwelcome to put it mildly. One my phone stopped working – that was monumental enough to stop my life in its tracks – no means of communication, no access to any online life thanks to MFA (multiple factor authentication, file loss (thanks to backup failure)… hopefully you get the picture. Two I had an important relationship fall apart and quite spectacularly so, that as I type I struggle to see repair or resolution. Finally three, I had a recent health scare that took my sight for a short period intermittently and changed my outlook on life rather significantly.

Seeing it as it is, is a tall order.

One of the things I have learnt on my journey is to see things as they are. Why? Because our perception is often coloured in the moment by all the emotions we experience and they have a lingering effect. To see it as it really is, factually and as the reality it is, is a tall order.

The negativity unwanted downtime, to me, highlights my default coping emotions. I have learned that these emotions are really action signals, calling me to do something different, to change, and no longer flee or fight or freeze! Rather than walk you through my emotions I wanted to share how you and I can see it as it is and identify what is in our control.

What is it you really feel?

Identifying what it is we feel exactly can help us move forward and make informed decisions, rather than reacting to what we think is happening. Here are some of the common feelings when we strip away the synonyms of what we think we feel and the message they convey.

Hurt:

Hurt is where pain and injury occur, often to the detriment of something established – most commonly relationship.

Message: the key message thought to be conveyed when we experience hurt, is that our expectations have not been met. Seeing it as it really is requires us to understand the loss we think we experienced may not have actually occurred and we must question that reality!

Anger:

Anger might look like mild irritation to rage and can be internal though most commonly is directed externally at a situation or a person

Message: We are likely being told that an important rule we hold dear has been violated. A change is mandatory, be it to your perception, behaviour or procedures, regarding the rule.

Guilt:

Guilty feelings boil down to remorse and regret, where we as individuals have violated a standard we set for ourselves.

Message: We must address and correct immediately or suffer at our own peril (indefinitely), by recognising what just happened, utilising the feeling to hold yourself to never repeat it again.

Disappointment:

Feeling disappointed mean you feel let down, you expected more than you got!

Message: Just maybe your expectations are too high, and it is better to appreciate that it was partially met instead of not at all! Perhaps this is only part of the journey and an opportunity to practice some patience, there is even more to come.

Loneliness:

We all feel alone sometimes, in a negative context – loneliness is about exclusion and a lack of belonging.

Message: You need more than anything else to get connected with something other than yourself! Shifting the focus away from the mirror is the only way to address this one. You must do something to connect in a positive way to any one of the 6, 999,999,999 people on the planet, as you are not an option!

Negativity is an amber light, stop or go is your choice

It takes a great deal of practice to know if the next light is green or red. With practice though you get to pause in amber light, take some downtime – willingly – and decide what colour the light will change to!

It is not easy! But it is necessary to do the work and practice. Practice recognising what really is it I am feeling? Practice understanding the message! Practice taking corrective action!

I am off to practice all of the above, hope and trust you have the downtime of your choosing, and if you don’t I hope this helped – let me know in the comments.

KAxx